Dear Dog owner/Neighbor;
It’s 12:38am and I am awake because my daughter woke up from a nightmare seemingly about her brother doing something to her that made her scream out his name. So after I rock her a little and toss her back in her crib, I decide to go into the kitchen take some cold medicine and make my husband and son’s lunches for the day (cause I’m a freak like that and I enjoy making a mess and lots of noise after midnight and if my darling husband hadn’t coughed all over me in his sleep I wouldn’t be a walking germ-fest.). Well as I’m spreading peanut butter on my husband’s second sandwich I hear the distinct sound of YOUR. DOG. BARKING!!
Now please tell me, why the fuck your dog is outside at 12:38am and tell me WHY when that little fucker started barking, you didn’t get your fat ass up and bring her inside?? It’s 12:38 am!! Most normal people are sleeping!! Why would you allow your dog outside at such an un-godly hour let alone let the stupid thing bark??
Does anyone have the number to animal control? Cause not only is this dog outside barking after midnight, but IT’S 2 DEGREES OUT THERE!! Doesn’t that account for animal abuse??
Now don’t get me wrong… I LOVE dogs! I can’t wait to get one so I can leave it outside to bark and wake your ass up for my kids to enjoy, but come on… That dog is ALWAYS outside and ALWAYS barking at ALL SORTS of retarted times! 2 am, 11am, 3pm, 9pm! If my kids’ bedrooms weren’t where they are in the house, it would wake them EVERY FUCKING TIME!!
And don’t try to tell me that it’s not your dog either! I’ve seen your dog barking and she has a very recognizable bark. No other dog in the neighborhood (aka, your other neighbors dogs) have that high-pitched “wro, wro, wro” bark! (yes, I just mimicked her bark, go ahead and laugh… fuckers… it goes “wro, wro, wro”)
So I won’t call animal control even though I really REALLY want to, because your niece is a friend of mine and I don’t feel like starting trouble… but goddamn… call the fucking dog in!!
Your concerned psychotic neighbor…
PS. I will NOT however be held responsible if ANOTHER neighbor calls the cops on your ass. You CANNOT prove that I gave them your name and address and the number to the ASPCA… No calls will originate from my home… that you will know about.