Not even toddler farts!

There are lots of cute things in this world… puppies, kittens, babies, Johnny Depp, my Facebook profile pic, my daughter when she says “Help me! Help me! Ayudame!” (we watch WAY too much Dora and Diego).

But, there also some things in this world that are NOT cute!

1. My husband when he makes comments about my ass and then grins at me and says “What did I say?” Not funny, Asshole.

2. My seven year old still referring to his private parts as “Mr. Winkie”. He knows the real words for it, he just refuses to use any of them.

3.Vomit- any time any where.

4. Me before my first cup of coffee.

5. My Dad- the morning person… Him: “Good morning, Jennifer.” Me:”Good morning to you too Captain Chipper, now shut up and get out from between me and my coffee!”

6. Me in a bikini (or any of my pre-pregnancy clothing not that I EVER had the body to wear a bikini but you understand)

7. Me on the Wii Balance Board trying to do Yoga (uh huh…).

8. My husband making fun of me as I try to do yoga on the Wii Balance Board (again, not funny, Asshole)

9. My son announcing to me that while he was taking his shower that he “gave the bathtub a bath too” and half the fucking bottle of soap is gone…

And finally…

10. My daughter waking me up at 3am to go “pee pee potty” and then doing nothing but farting…   “Ha ha Mommy!  I fart!”

Welcome to my world…  feel free to run away screaming…

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Categories: I swear they are trying to kill me..., my kids are FREAKING HILARIOUS | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Not even toddler farts!

  1. I’m a monster before my first cup of coffee too! 🙂

  2. intrepideddie

    Just think how awesome #10 would be if you taught her the “pull my finger” magic trick. Oh, man… it never gets old.

  3. LMAO, LOVE IT!! I too have been “keeping it real” in my blog…with 4 little rug rats, if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry most days!! ‘Course, I’m already completely frikkin insane, so it’s more of a maniacal laugh!! I am so appreciating finding this whole new world of Moms who aren’t afraid to tell it like it is!! Good luck with your newest venture too, I look forward to reading your blog & keeping up with it all!! 😀

    • Thanks for your comment. It makes me feel good that I can share my experiences and know that I am making other people laugh. You are not alone in your insanity! 🙂 Keep on, keepin on!

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