Monthly Archives: May 2010

When I get so old that I get annoyed at young families for making a little noise in the movies, please shoot me.

Dear Old People Sitting in Front of Us in the Movie Theater,

FUCK YOU!!

I can’t help the fact that my 2 year old has to tell me that she has to go potty.

You have no right to complain.

If you’re going to sit near a family with small children in a movie, you have to expect A LITTLE NOISE!

I hope you enjoyed the rest of the movie my kids didn’t get to see because you couldn’t handle a little “Mommy I need to go pee pee.”

And also, I hope a bird poops on your car and you can’t get it off.

And you have to drive around with bird poop on your car FOREVER!

Unless you try to tell it “ENOUGH” and expect it to listen, like you did to me and my kid.

And then you can go get a manager and try to get them thrown out because the bird’s husband called you a fucking c*nt (for the record, I hate that word and don’t like it being used unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. This lady was a c*nt.) because you have the BALLS to say that my kid shouldn’t be in the air because it pooped on your car. (or something, I’m so mad, I’m not making sense!)

May I state, that aside from two trips to the bathroom, my kids were GOLDEN in that movie theater.

And you know what? I’m GLAD that my daughter told me she had to go potty.

I’m GLAD that she is finally getting the potty training thing that I’ve been trying to get her to figure out SINCE DECEMBER!

And I hope that you sat through the rest of that movie feeling bad that you made us leave. You made us have to take my son out of the movie he’s been wanting to see FOR MONTHS. Why? Because you’re so old you forgot what it’s like to have little kids? Because you have ice in your heart and forced a family with little children to leave a movie because you can’t handle a little noise? You could have found another seat. The handicapped seats were open. You could have hobbled your old ass over there and sat there undisturbed.

And then you have the nerve to call me a “stupid bitch”?? ME?? When I said NOTHING offensive to you!! I did NOTHING but try to make the situation right. I took my daughter out of the theater. I tried to control my husband’s language. I could have sat back and said, “You don’t like it, there are other places to sit.” But no, I tried to appease you and you still call me a stupid bitch??

You know what?? FUCK YOU CUNT! I hope your tits dry up and fall off, and your twat develops a mysterious case of flesh eating disease. And I hope in your afterlife you are sentenced to haunt a movie theater that’s showing a movie you really want to see, but the people behind you won’t stop talking… AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Also, thank you manager man at National Amusements in Farmingdale for not throwing us out.  Thank you for siding with us because that woman is a c*nt and she’s the one who deserved to be thrown out for cursing at me right in front of you.  And thank you manager man and security man for making us feel like we matter and we’re not just some family with obnoxious kids.  BECAUSE WE’RE NOT.  Thank you.

Photo courtesy of National AmusementsWell, sorta.  I took it off their website.  Here’s the link.

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Categories: FAIL, I swear they are trying to kill me..., Rants, this shit can only happen to me! | Tags: | 1 Comment

I’m tired…

Can I just tell you how tired I am??

I’m tired of everything.

All the bullshit.

All the crying and whining and carrying on.

I’m tired of pee pee and poopie.

I’m tired of Silly Bandz and second grade.

I’m tired of  laundry.

I’m tired of “What’s for dinner?” and “I’ve got to go to pool.”

I’m tired of “MOM!” and I’m tired of the weirdness.

I’m tired of finally getting into bed after putting Little Miss in and he’s snoring.

I’m tired of sitting down before I have to start dinner and he’s snoring.

I’m tired of the eye-rolling and the “how late do you think you’re going to be?”

I’m tired of wishing I’d done something different, wishing I’d been someone different.

I’m tired of doing the same thing everyday.  Having the same arguments everyday.

I’m tired of being fat.

I’m tired of not feeling comfortable in my own skin.

I’m tired of wearing the mask.

I’m tired of it all.

And I’m tired of being tired.

Say what you want.  I know lots of people have it worse than I.  Can’t help how I feel though, can I?

Categories: Rants | 3 Comments

Stand back!! I have a uniboob and I’m not afraid to use it!!

Quitting smoking was the SECOND hardest thing I’ve done in my life.  Losing the weight I put on after I quit is the first.

So, if any of my Facebook friends have been paying attention, I’ve been making it very public that I am fat and need to lose some weight.  I’ve put on some weight between giving birth to two children and that quitting smoking thing.  I’d like to get my dancers body back and give myself a back what little self-confidence I had B. C. (before children).

When word of my cousin getting married in 2011 hit I knew I had to do something…

I got the Wii Fit.

I lost something like 2 pounds.

IN THREE MONTHS.

I tried using the treadmill that’s collecting dust in my basement.

I lost something, but it wasn’t any weight.

I lost my balance and stepped off wrong and practically broke my foot.  Dumbass.

I tried dieting.  My friend told me that switching to one of those sugar substitutes would cut out some stupid amount of sugar from my diet. So I cut out sugar from my coffee (I know, right!) and soda.  I also tried implementing more healthy meals into my family’s repertoire.   My husband wrinkles his nose at whatever new dish I try.  Makes me want to not have sex with him… I tried a food journal.  Writing down everything I ate and not seeing a difference in my weight only made me dread the task.  I tried cutting out sweets in general; no desserts, no candy (except the gum I STILL have to chew to avoid a cigarette craving), no ice cream, nothing.  Mmmm…  ice cream…

I quickly discovered that I have no will power.  None.  Nada. Zip.  Zero. (Ok, wait a minute, I lost my train of thought cause I had to go get me some ice cream.  Can you say FAT BASTARD? Aw, COME ON!  It’s Rocky Road!)  So, yeah, no will power.  It was basically depleted when I well… you know.

Dieting-OUT.

Then a friend told me about Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred workout video.  I was a little reluctant because on her show she’s this mega bitch that nobody likes.  Another friend of mine told me she was annoying, but the workout was good.  And shit, 20 minutes a day is a whole hell of a lot better than an hour on the Wii whilst my children whine in the background.  I can squeeze it in at the end of the day after the rats go to bed or I can do it while the booger naps.

Photo courtesy of jillianmichaels.com

I’m sold.  Walmart $9.  Go there.  Buy it.  Seriously.

I have to FORCE MYSELF to get off my ASS everyday to do it.  My reasoning:  “it’s only 20 minutes.  I can do this.”  I annoy all my Facebook friends by posting it as my status.  (I know I annoy you all, but if I don’t post it, I don’t DO it.  And I NEED to DO it!  Thank you all for letting me annoy you.)  I even went to Walmart and bought sports bras so I can sport the uniboob look and not give myself a black eye while doing my butt kicks and jumping jacks.

I have lost so far 9 pounds.  I am replacing muscle with fat.  I mean fat with muscle.  and obviously brain cells with mush

I kinda fell off the wagon a little when we went away on vacation.  I wasn’t about to be huffing and puffing to Jillian while my mother in law looked on trying to relax and enjoy myself…  And then I got my monthly visitor.  Ugh.  I hardly do anything that week except brush up being a bitch and getting mad at my husband and children.

Then what happened??  I forget…

photo courtesy of jillianmichaels.com

OH!  Yes.  While we were on vacation, I picked up Jillian’s Yoga Meltdown.  I couldn’t wait to get started!  Then I couldn’t wait to stop.  Yoga- not my thing.  I did give it a full week.  I often felt like I was going to fly away or slide of my yoga mat.  Pass on that.

Took another week off (cause I wanted to!) and here I am…  I think I’m five or six days in to a new 30 days.  I lost count.  But I won’t move onto the next level until I’m not sore the day after anymore.  (that may take a while)

I’m tired of feeling fat.   I’m tired of looking fat.

I’m going to lose more weight before my cousin’s wedding next year.  Watch, I won’t even be invited and I’m doing all this work…  Fuck it, at least I’ll look good…

I keep hoping that the weather will warm up so I can start walking in the evenings and maybe get the hubster involved.  Maybe then I’ll start having sex with him again. And he can stop eating ice cream in front of me while I work out. Yep.  Thanks babe!

Does anyone else hear Sloth from Goonies?  Ro-cky Road?  Heh heh.


Categories: I swear they are trying to kill me..., Randomness..., this shit can only happen to me!, Weightloss | 5 Comments

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