I swear they are trying to kill me…

Defining The Boy

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This month the From Left to Write Book club read Those We Love Most by Lee Woodruff. The story was about a family and the secrets that come to the surface after the death of their nine year old boy in a tragic accident. It chronicles how the family gets back on their feet after their loss and how they slowly begin to return to their lives, learning how to live their lives without James.

We’re sort of re-learning how to live our lives too, only we haven’t lost our boy. We’ve gained a label, gained an answer, and gained some understanding.

According to Wikipedia the definition of Aspergers is as follows:

Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger’s syndrome or Asperger disorder (AD), is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical (peculiar, odd) use of language are frequently reported.

WebMD lists the symptoms of Aspergers as follows:

What Are the Symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome? The symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome vary and can range from mild to severe. Common symptoms include: Problems with social skills: Children with Asperger’s syndrome generally have difficulty interacting with others and often are awkward in social situations. They generally do not make friends easily. They have difficulty initiating and maintaining conversation. Eccentric or repetitive behaviors: Children with this condition may develop odd, repetitive movements, such as hand wringing or finger twisting. Unusual preoccupations or rituals: A child with Asperger’s syndrome may develop rituals that he or she refuses to alter, such as getting dressed in a specific order.

Communication difficulties: People with Asperger’s syndrome may not make eye contact when speaking with someone. They may have trouble using facial expressions and gestures, and p understanding body language. They also tend to have problems understanding language in context. Limited range of interests: A child with Asperger’s syndrome may develop an intense, almost obsessive, interest in a few areas, such as sports schedules, weather, or maps.

Coordination problems: The movements of children with Asperger’s syndrome may seem clumsy or awkward. Skilled or talented: Many children with Aspergers syndrome are exceptionally talented or skilled in a particular area, such as music or math.

Aspergers.com lists the treatment for Aspergers is as follows:

There is no specific treatment or “cure” for Asperger’s Disorder. All the interventions outlined below are mainly symptomatic and/or rehabilitation oriented. Psychosocial Interventions: Individual psychotherapy to help the individual to process the feelings aroused by being socially different Parent education and training Behavioral modification Social skills training Educational interventions

Psychopharmacological Interventions:
For hyperactivity, inattention and impulsivity: Psychostimulants (methyphenidate, dextroamphetamine, metamphetamine), clonidine, Tricyclic Antidepressants (desipramine, nortriptyline), Strattera (atomoxetine)

For irritability and aggression: Mood Stabilizers (valproate, carbamazepine, lithium), Beta Blockers (nadolol, propranolol), clonidine, naltrexone, Neuroleptics (risperidone, aripiprazol, olanzapine, quetiapine, ziprasidone, haloperidol)

For preoccupations, rituals and compulsions: SSRIs (fluvoxamine, fluoxetine, sertraline), Tricyclic
Antidepressants (clomipramine)

For anxiety: SSRIs (sertraline, fluoxetine), Tricyclic Antidepressants (imipramine, clomipramine,
nortriptyline)

ADHD is defined by WebMD as:

The symptoms of ADHD include inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity. These are traits that most children display at some point or another. But to establish a diagnosis of ADHD, sometimes referred to as ADD, the symptoms should be inappropriate for the child’s age.

Adults also can have ADHD; in fact, up to half of adults diagnosed with the disorder had it as children. When ADHD persists into adulthood, symptoms may vary. For instance, an adult may experience restlessness instead of hyperactivity. In addition, adults with ADHD often have problems with interpersonal relationships and employment.

Wikipedia defines ADHD as the following:

Attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD, similar to hyperkinetic disorder in the ICD) is a psychiatric disorder[1] or neurobehavioral disorder[2] characterized by significant difficulties either of inattention or hyperactivity and impulsiveness or a combination of the two. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), symptoms emerge before seven years of age.[3] There are three subtypes of the disorder which consist of it being predominantly inattentive (ADHD-PI or ADHD-I), predominantly hyperactive-impulsive (ADHD-HI or ADHD-H), or the two combined (ADHD-C). Often people refer to ADHD-PI as “attention deficit disorder” (ADD), however, the latter has not been officially accepted since the 1994 revision of the DSM. ADHD impacts school-aged children and results in restlessness, acting impulsively, and lack of focus which may impair school performance.

This is how I define Aspergers and ADHD:

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And this:

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Yes, that’s my boy. Yes, he has Asperger’s. Yes, he has ADHD. Yes, we’ve gotten a second opinion. And both doctors came to the same conclusion.

It’s not an easy thing to accept. Or an easy thing to talk about. Or an easy thing to understand.

But I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Just this weekend he went with his Boy Scout Troop on his very first camp out, 4 1/2 hours away, without me or his dad. I worried and worried and worried, and cried and cried and cried, but he came home hungry, dirty and smiling from ear to ear. He had a FABULOUS time! And he hasn’t stopped talking about it.

Now we know why he does the things he does. Now we know why he’s obsessed with his video games, and why he loses his mind when something doesn’t work out the way he thinks it should or when he doesn’t understand something the first time around.

It’s because his brain doesn’t work the same way ours does. He expects to know the answer the very first time a problem is presented to him. He expects that his video games will always work and never break or malfunction or die.

People I’ve mentioned this to have said to me, “He’s just being a little boy.” Yes, he is, and I intend to keep it that way, but my little boy and your little boy and two different boys and my little boy is the one other little boys call “weird” or “strange”. And my little boy will be the one who will get bullied and picked on because he is “weird” or “strange”.

Unless I get him the help he needs.

One of the neurologists I saw told me that I have to teach him how to “mask” his “quirkiness”. He needs to learn how to hide what makes him who he is so he can fit better into society.

I’m not sure I agree with that.
I’m not sure I want that for him.

I AM sure that I just want him to be a little boy before is too late and he has to be a grown up.

I AM sure that I want him to have the best summer ever, every summer, and I will MAKE SURE that happens for him and his sister.

And I AM sure that he is MY little boy and I will love him NO MATTER WHAT.

God gave him to me for a reason, and I am honored to be his Mommy.

This is an original ROSCMM post and was written for the From Left to Write Book Club. This post was written in response to Those We Love Most by Lee Woodruff an ebook copy of which I borrowed fro the library for the purposes of this post. And no, you can’t steal my content, it’s called copyright, yo.
Copyright MasterMind Mommy 2013

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Categories: i do love them even though they drive me insane | 3 Comments

Figuring him out

As I type this my son is grumbling to himself and piling paper towel after paper towel over the dog’s spilled water. He’s angry with me because I won’t let him have Cheezits after he just had some brownies. Dinner will be in an hour and if I let him have more of a snack now, he won’t eat his dinner.

Tomorrow we go to the dr.

Finally.

Tomorrow we see the neurologist who will (hopefully) help us to determine why my son can’t sit still for more than a few minutes at a time, and why he gets so angry over little things like math homework and showers and the fact that Hurricane Sandy ruined his Halloween. Why he has to wear the same sweat jacket to school everyday and when he gets himself worked up in school, all he has to do is zip it up and he calms right down. Hopefully this doctor can tell me why as a baby he could spin and spin and spin and not get dizzy and why he’s not still unless he’s plugged in to some sort of device be it his iPod, his computer, or some sort of gaming console. Why he gets so fixated on one thing and can’t seem to let anything go until I absolutely lose my mind and scream at him, and then he gets angry and it starts all over again.

I need to figure him out. It started in Preschool when his teacher suggested I get him tested for ADD/ADHD because he was having trouble sitting still and staying focused. S By the time she brought it to my attention, it was too late for Kindergarten. I took him to a neurologist anyway, neurologist told me she could see him “seeking sensory stimulation” and ordered an EEG. When the EEG came back normal, she didn’t want to see him again.

In Kindergarten, the teacher said nothing to me that would imply that he would need to to be tested. He had behavior issues, but those were worked out with a reward chart.

First grade same thing.

Second grade, all hell breaks loose. He can’t concentrate on a test because the kids on the playground below his classroom window are yelling and some kid is calling his name. They’re not calling him, just some kid with the same name but its bothering him. He is constantly getting in trouble for talking and getting out of his chair. I begin to resent his teacher because I feel like she’s picking on him. Finally in May of that year, he loses his mind and shouts out to his teacher “I can’t wait till second grade is over and neither can my mom!!” Crap. She calls me in to explain myself. I tell her how I feel. She tells me to get him tested, but not to go through the school, get him tested privately. I call my dr, dr says that I have to go through the school. Call the school, psychologist says “it’s May, there’s really nothing I can do for him.” And pushed it back into my lap.

Third grade I was told that he was a genius but didn’t test well enough to get into the gifted and talented program.

Fourth grade, nothing.

Fifth grade, this past October, I get called in to speak to the teacher. “Have you had him tested? I need to know what’s going on with him.” I don’t know what’s going on with him, what do you think I should do? “Let’s talk to the school psychologist and see what she says.” One month later, I get another call to come in. “We have to figure him out.” He left his jacket (this was before we discovered the sweat jacket) in the gym and he needed to go get it, in the middle of a lesson. Without asking, he picked himself up and tried to leave the room. His teacher stopped him, but he nearly lost his mind because he NEEDED to get that jacket. “Did you call the school psychologist?” Yes, but she’s never gotten back to me. The next day, she calls. After the holidays, I get called in AGAIN. He’s had an argument with another student and told him he was going to f-ing kill him. Sigh…

There’s so much more, but I don’t want to turn this into a whine fest.

He has social issues too. He has a hard time making and keeping friends. He’s in a social skills group offered by the town. He sees the social worker at school once a week.

He has anger issues. He needs an outlet. I signed him up for Tae Kwon Do. It seems to be working.

It all seems to be helping. But only a little.

Next year he will go to Middle School and he will be faced with a whole new experience. Will he sink or swim?

So tomorrow we go. Is it ADD? ADHD? Emotional disturbance? Sensory?

I don’t know, and I’ll admit, I’m scared, but his teacher is right, we have to figure him out. And we will. And this goes without saying, I will love him no matter what. I just want him to be happy and comfortable, and safe.

This is an original ROSCMM post and was written for the From Left to Write Book Club. This post was written in response to Raising Cubby: A Father and Son’s Adventures with Asperger’s, Trains, Tractors, and High Explosives by John Elder Robinson an ebook copy of which I received for free for the purposes of this post. And no, you can’t steal my content, it’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright MasterMind Mommy 2013

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Categories: From Left to Write Book Club, i do love them even though they drive me insane, Rants | 5 Comments

The Pep Talk

20130213-175331.jpgThis month, the From Left to Write Book Club is reading Saturday Night Widows: The Adventures of Six Friends Remaking Their Lives by Becky Aikman. It’s about a group of women, all in different stages of widowhood, getting together and forming their own support group of sorts. It was an effort by Becky to prove to herself and others that being a widow didn’t mean you had to sit around and mourn your lost husband forever. It was meant to prove that one could be a widow and still move on and create a new life.

As you know, the From Left to Write Book Club doesn’t write reviews on the books we read. We write posts inspired by the book. Last night, I was trying to put together ideas on what to write for this book. Nothing came to mind. I read posts by other members. Most of them were about the death or impending death of a loved one. I’m not feeling writing about the death or impending death of anyone. I’ve been there and done that. I want, like Becky wanted from the widows group she was kicked out of, a more uplifting post. Something that talks about life after death instead of grieving.

So, lets face it, it’s pretty inevitable that we’re all going to die at some point, right? (Unless you’re my dad who says he’s not going to die cause he’s got entirely too many people to annoy still.) But what about the people you leave behind after you die? What kind of things will they remember of you after you’re gone? This is what I want to write about for you today.

A few days ago, the kids and I were in the middle of our usual morning routine. Little Miss was at the table eating breakfast, I was packing Big Boy’s lunch, and Big Boy was off somewhere on his iPod.

Now, the day before, My Big Boy wasn’t feeling well and wound up giving back his breakfast after only eating it a half hour before. Ick. So he stayed home from school. Now I had a meeting that night and wouldn’t you know it, he spikes a fever. Dang it! So I pop him some Advil, and go to my meeting.

Next morning, he gets up, gets dressed, goes into the kitchen for breakfast. I didn’t say anything, he just did it.

Then…

I made the mistake of mentioning that since he had a fever the night before that I wasn’t planning on sending him to school. (I KNOW, I know… the rule is 24 hours fever free, but c’mon, he was FINE!) Well, as soon as he heard that I was originally wasn’t going to send him to school, he started.

“I HATE SCHOOL!! ”

“IT’S TOO HARD!!”

“I don’t wanna go!!”

Sigh…

So this is my fault, I know, so how do I handle this?? I scream at him. I argue with him. He cries… I hang my head, defeated, he hides in his room.

Then, a miracle occurred! MY HUSBAND WALKED IN THE DOOR!!

“Oh, I’m SO glad you’re home!”

Puzzlement.

“Would you please go down there and talk to your son? He’s refusing to go to school.”

“But I thought you weren’t sending…”

“I know, but he got himself up, and dressed, and he had breakfast. He’s FINE.”

Husband goes into boy’s room.

I brace myself for impact.

Now, I get told that I yell, a lot. But when my husband is angry or the kids aren’t cooperating and he’s frustrated, he explodes.

Five minutes go by and I don’t have a crying boy in front of me yet. I need to investigate.

So I go into the boy’s room, and my husband is kneeling in the middle of the room talking to the boy. TALKING!! Not yelling.

And the words?? Oh the words!

“I need you to go to school and learn as much as you can. Show everybody up. Be smarter than everybody. Make me proud.”

That’s the memory I want my son to have years down the road. The memory of his father giving him the motivation he needed when he couldn’t go on. The memory of his father talking to him, being there for him, supporting him, when his world was crashing down.

Thanks babe. You did it. I love you.

This is an original ROSCMM post and was written for the From Left to Write Book Club. This post was inspired by Saturday Night Widows: The Adventures of Six Friends Remaking Their Lives by Becky Aikman a copy of which I received for free for the purposes of this book club. All opinions are that of Jennifer herself, and no, you can’t steal my content. It’s called Copyright, yo.

Copyright 2013. Mastermind Mommy

Categories: From Left to Write Book Club, i do love them even though they drive me insane | 2 Comments

A Memorable Neighbor… or Keep Your Crazy Away From My Kid!

So… this week’s Mama Kat’s writing prompts made me laugh… There’s so much shit I can put out there, but this one especially made me chuckle.

Mama’s Losin’ It
A Memorable Neighbor.

For those of you who have been following for a while, you know I have been having troubles with the woman across the street. She is the mother of my son’s “best friend” and we have issues…

Well, last week those issues escalated and we are now not speaking to each other and our boys’ relationship is at stake.
Lemme ‘splain…

Picture it if you will…

It’s a chilly Monday morning and I’m standing at the bus stop with The Boy.  We are the only ones there and it’s starting to rain.  Boy gets on the bus, I make my way home.  That afternoon, it’s raining still and again, I am the only one on the bus stop.  The bus pulls up and opens its doors.  That’s when I notice “Mary” step into my line of view to retrieve her son.  I then turn my head and look down the row of windows and notice one of the girls that The Boy sits with is in the window crying.  I ask little Tracey why she is crying, but obviously she can’t answer me through the window.  The Boy gets off the bus and we have this exchange:

Me: Hi.  Why is Tracey crying?

Boy: Because Vinnie (her cousin) is going to be reported.

Me: Why is Vinnie going to be reported and who is going to report him?

Boy: Because he called Johan an idiot.  Big Jonathan (the fifth grade bully and self-appointed bus safety) is going to report him.

Now…  imagine the look on your face when you hear that.  Yeah, that’s the one. With the eyebrow going up…  Uh huh…  Cause, why would Vinnie get reported just cause he called Johan an idiot??  There are worse things that can happen on the bus to get reported for, right?  EXACTLY!  Now imagine if you will that you are walking along a busy road while listening to this story so you have to watch where you are going, right?  And imagine that “Mary” is walking along in front of you so while you are looking where you are going you are forced to look kinda at her cause she’s in front of you.  And at that moment that you are walking along, listening to this story about Vinnie getting reported for calling Johan an idiot, and making that face and kinda looking at Mary who is walking in front of you so you don’t walk into her, Mary turns to look at you.  Now you don’t really see her cause you are listening to the story and trying to not get run over or walk into her and when she smiles at you, your expression doesn’t really change until at the last moment you try to smile at her but it’s too late!!  She has taken that look on your face as meant for her!

The next morning, she is not at the bus stop.  That afternoon, she is there, but won’t look at me.  I say hello and she doesn’t respond.  I’ve brought Little Miss with me so I grab up my baby and walk right up to her.

Me: Okay, so what did I do now?

Her: You made an ugly face at me, I don’t like it. (or something like that, I couldn’t get the whole thing in her broken english/spanish rant)

Me: What are you talking about?  When did I do that?

Her: Yesterday. I don’t like it.  Okay?

Me: What?  I didn’t even see you yesterday.

Her: Blah, blah blah (I honestly can’t remember what she said here, probably nothing that made any sense , but I’m sure it ended with ) Okay?

Me: I don’t understand!  I didn’t even SEE you yesterday.

She then proceeds to tell me that I gave her a dirty look yesterday and that I don’t really like her, that she can FEEEEEEEEL it,  and that she likes honest people.

Me: What? So you don’t think I’m honest?

Her: I think you are temperamental and two-faced. Okay?

TEMPERAMENTAL AND TWO-FACED??  WHAT. THE. FUCK??  I’m not the one who automatically assumes that because I was looking in her general direction with a certain look on my face that that expression was meant for her and that I don’t like her. (in all honesty, I don’t like her, but I didn’t DIS-like her (too much) until the bitch called me dishonest, two-faced and temperamental! I DID tolerate her so that our boys could be friends.)

If you ask me, I think that either menopause or the isolation she experiences during the day (she doesn’t drive, doesn’t speak English, and thus hardly EVER leaves the house) is making her crazy and she’s taking it out on me!!  How come it always has to be about her??  How come she couldn’t turn around to me and be like “Why are you making that face?” ?  No!  She had to immediately jump to the conclusion that I really don’t like her and get my jollies by making faces at her.

This past Monday, my husband was home sick and I was late getting to the bus stop, so The Boy walked home with Mary and her son.  I dutifully stopped my car next to them, rolled down my window and said “Thank you” to her for grabbing him.  Whether she did or not, I couldn’t say, but it was the right thing to do.  You think that yesterday morning she could have offered me a “hello”?  Nope.  Bitch shot me a dirty look cause her son left her and came over to me and my son.

When I talk to my husband or my closest friends and family about this, they roll their eyes at me (as I’m sure you’re doing too, in between big fat belly laughs) and tell me to let it go.  That she’s not worth all the trouble.  But the issue I have is that I. DID. NOTHING. WRONG!!  I honestly didn’t see her looking at me.  I’m sorry if I couldn’t change my facial expression to suit her fast enough!  Now what do I do when my son wants to have a playdate with his friend?  I don’t think she’ll fly with it and I certainly don’t want her brand of crazy around my boy!  He gets enough crazy from me, he doesn’t need any more from any body else!!

So, we haven’t spoken since last week and yesterday morning I walked home with her in front of me and I made faces at her all the way home, giggling the entire time.   And in the afternoon, I had a perfectly wonderful conversation…  with her husband.  🙂  Take that bitch!

Next year, my son is NOT riding the bus, just so I don’t have to deal with her shit!

This is an original ROSCMM post. All opinions in this post come from Jennifer herself unless otherwise noted. All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the moronic.  This post has no compensation level as I did not receive anything for writing this post,(visit my Full Disclosure page for more details) and no, you can not steal my content unless you specifically ask me for it first. It’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2011 MastermindMommy

Categories: Drama, FAIL, I hate people., I swear they are trying to kill me..., Rants, this shit can only happen to me! | 13 Comments

Bus stop drama…

Ok, so MOMS!!  How many of you are friends with or “friendly” with the parents of your kids friends??  Do you think you have to be friends or “friendly” with ALL of them?  Cause I’m about to call this bitch out…

My son’s so-called “best friend” is the boy who lives across the street.  They ride the bus to school together and play together almost ever Friday after school.  This boy’s parents are immigrants from another country and although his father speaks English, his mother is still learning.  So you can understand when I say there is a language barrier between us.  I deal mostly with the mother (We’ll call her “Mary”.) because like me, she stays home during the day.  So she’s the one at the bus stop in the morning and afternoon.  She’s the one home when the boys play on Fridays (if you call one plays with toys while the other one plays video games “playing”.  They don’t play together, they play side by side and if I’m not there to insist that they play together, they don’t and it’s MY SON who gets the shaft.).

In the four years that the boys have been friends, this woman has flashed her attitude at me at least once a year.  It all started when the bus stop got moved.  See initially, our bus stop was right in front of the house.  The bus driver would stop right in the middle of the block, pick the boys up and off they would go.  In the afternoon, it was the same thing.  It was the most awesome thing in the world.  Little Miss was still an infant so I could watch from the front door for the bus, run out, grab the boy and be back in the house before she had time to spit up her formula.

The next year, they changed things.  Our bus stop got moved to the end of the block for reasons that would take up entirely too much room here to explain.  At the new bus stop, I made a friend, another mom on my block named Joann.  Not long after, I started staying at the bus stop a little longer just chatting with my new friend.  Now I wouldn’t do it every day.  And on the days that I didn’t stay to talk to Joann, I would walk back home with Mary.  After a while, Mary started dashing off after the bus picked up the kids.  She practically ran home, leaving me to walk home alone.  Fine, whatever, no big deal.

One day while I was picking up Big Boy from a playdate, Mary finally told me what her problem was.  Evidently she thought my friend Jenn, was giving her dirty looks at the bus stop and it was making her feel ugly.  Now I know a little Spanish  from my high school days so I tried to explain to her that I didn’t think Jenn was giving her dirty looks.  And I apologized if she felt left out of our conversations at the stop.  It’s not all that easy to have a conversation with three people when one of them doesn’t speak the same language so well.  After that, she continued to run off and not be friendly with my friend although she continued to speak to me.

Then the next year they changed the bus mileage.  My son was no longer getting a bus.  I went down to the transportation office for the school district, asked them to re-measure and my son got his bus, but it’s a totally different bus stop.  The day before school started, I decide to call the father (John, we’ll call him) to make sure that his son John, Jr. would be on the correct bus stop.  Well, it turns out that they never got a bus pass and unfortunately they had to scramble to get him one.

I heard about THAT a week later…  After not being on the bus for the first three days of school, they show up on the stop the following Monday.   After ignoring me for three days Mary actually looked at me and asked me point blank if I knew that her son wasn’t getting a bus pass.  I answered no.  She then proceeded to tell me about how they had to go to the doctor and get a medical note in order to get John Jr. a bus pass.  She doesn’t drive so she would have had to walk him the three quarters of a mile to the school.  The boy gets bronchitis like a gazillion times a year.  It’s understandable that he would get bus for medical reasons.  But she was clearly upset with me for not saying something sooner.  Um, what am I, a fucking psychic?  When did it become my responsibility to make sure that your son has a bus?  He’s not my kid.  I take care of MY kids.  YOU take care of yours.

So here’s the latest…  Friday, Big Boy gets off the bus and asks for his normal playdate with his friend.  I say, “Sure, go ask your friend.” (who was already half way home).  My son runs up to ask and Mary whips around and snaps at him, “Not today, okay?”.  I hear John Jr whining to his mother why they can’t play and she rattles off something in Spanish and walks to the house.  Now I have to deal with my disappointed boy who wants to play with his friend.  “But why, Mom??”  How do you answer that?  “I don’t know baby.  Maybe they have something to do today.”

I’ll be the first to admit, my son doesn’t have a lot of friends outside of school.  Playdates aren’t lining up at the door every weekend and my phone isn’t ringing off the hook with kids who want to play.  So when my son doesn’t get the one thing he’s been looking forward to all week, it hurts not only him, but me too.  But…  maybe they had something to do…

Today I’m at the bus stop with Little Miss.  This is the first time in a week that she’s been at the stop.  Mary LOVES Little Miss.  Always telling me how beautiful she is and how much she loves her hair and so on and so forth.  So now I know there’s something wrong when Mary does not respond to Little Miss.  I ask Little Miss to say hello and I get a very cold “Hola” in return.

Ok, maybe she’s having a mood swing or something.  She’s been known to do that too.  One morning she will look at me and say “My English not so good today, okay?” and then proceed to ignore me.  Or she’ll just wave me off like I’m not good enough to talk to her.

Finally she looks at me and say “I have a question.”  Now I have no idea what she’s going to ask of me.  I don’t think I could have done anything to upset or offend.  I make sure I say hello or good morning every time I see her (cause she gets pissy if you don’t acknowledge her).  I make sure I offer to drive her home if I am at the stop with my car (yes, I’m one of THOSE moms, shut up). And I share my umbrellas or try to help her with her English whenever I can.  I think I’m pretty nice.  I did notice this week that she was sort of ignoring me and chattering away with the other mom at the bus stop (there are only three kids at the stop and the other mom is bi-lingual) in Spanish.  I just figured she was having another menopausal mood swing.

“Last Friday when the boys wanted to play, why didn’t you ask me before they got off the bus?”  I stand there, dumbfounded. (keep in mind, this is what I was able to translate cause she is in a full rolling spanish, taking no account that I only have a vague understanding of what she’s saying.)  “I don’t like it.  Because I’m not feeling good so I say no play.” and then rambles something along the lines of “but you didn’t ask me ahead of time.”

Not for nothing, but my son is eight years old.  He’s his own little person and I can’t read his mind whether he wants to have a playdate with his friend or not.  I don’t know how he did in school on his spelling test and whether he got in trouble during recess that I shouldn’t allow him to play with his friend.  So I couldn’t have spoken to her ahead of time because I didn’t want to make plans and then have to break them and look like an asshole if my son doesn’t deserve to play with his friend.

Also, why can’t the boys make their own plans and just ask us if they can play?  Why do the parents have to consult each other every time?  And I WAS going to talk to her WHEN I CAUGHT UP TO THEM. She fucking SPEED WALKS back to her house every afternoon, dragging that poor boy behind her.  I’m no skinny mini like she is.  I can’t walk that fast without having a fucking heart attack.  And I’m not RUNNING to catch up to your ass just to ask if our kids can play.  That’s what the kids are for!   I run for ONE and ONLY ONE thing, my kids.  But she chose to blow me and my son off and then get mad that I didn’t ask her ahead of time.  What’s wrong with this picture here?

If you know me, you know I don’t like confrontation.  I don’t like problems, and I don’t like to fight (mainly because when I try I freeze up and forget half of what I want to say so it’s better if I just avoid it or give in).  I wound up apologizing and telling her that I should have spoken to her first before sending my son to ask for a playdate.  What I wish I could have said was “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!  If our boys want to play they should be able to play whether you feel good or not.  Why couldn’t you just ask if they could play at my house?”  Of course if I tried it would have come out all stuttery and stupid sounding.

I am just about done with this woman.  I don’t think we need to be friends or even friendly with each other for the boys to be friends.  And I can’t even talk to her because we’d  probably have to get a fucking translator.

I’m tired of being treated like I’m the offensive one here.  I’m tired of being treated like I’m not good enough.

I’m making him a walker next year…

This is an original ROSCMM post. All opinions in this post come from Jennifer herself unless otherwise noted. All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the moronic.  This post has no compensation level as I did not receive anything for writing this post,(visit my Full Disclosure page for more details) and no, you can not steal my content unless you specifically ask me for it first. It’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2010 MastermindMommy

Categories: Drama, FAIL, I swear they are trying to kill me..., Rants, this shit can only happen to me! | 2 Comments

Don’t anybody try to make plans with me in advance, chances are I’ll have to cancel.

It’s ok, that I go out tomorrow night, right?

No.  I’ve got people coming for corals and shit tomorrow.

What the fuck do you mean you’ve got people coming? When were you planning on telling me you were having people come?

Don’t be so dramatic.

I’m not being dramatic! I have to clean this pigsty we call a room where you keep that fucking fish tank that has sucked more life out of me than both your children combined!!

Where were you going tomorrow night?

To see a band in a bar with my friend.

What friend?

My newly separated friend. [Insert friend’s name here]

You know you’re 30-something now, not 18.  You shouldn’t be going to bars to see bands play.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING??

Yes, I’m 31, but what the fuck?   How many nights a week does he leave me to go play pool in his league?  Does he think I’m going to come home with someone??  Is he afraid to be with my  our children for too long?  Maybe it’s cause he can’t smoke when he’s got them.  Maybe it’s cause he doesn’t like them.  Maybe it interferes with his computer game playing.  Maybe he’s just an asshole. I don’t know what his problem is, but it needs to stop.  I’m not his daughter, he doesn’t need to remind me of my age and that I should be acting it Mr. I smoked pot with some idiots cause I felt like I needed to fit in with those losers.

Friday  night it’s supposed to just be us.  It’s supposed to be “Family Night”.

We stopped that when you started playing pool and going to your fish club meetings on Friday nights.

I only did that once. So don’t fucking try that shit.

Fine, whatever, I’ll cancel.

And tell her it’s all your fault I have to cancel these plans we’ve had for MONTHS!!

Obviously, my husband and I have communication issues.

I should have gotten a dog instead.

And for the record, if this gets back to him, I will deny it to my grave and then hunt you down and kill you.  So don’t anyone tell him…

Categories: I swear they are trying to kill me..., Rants, Things my husband does to me..., this shit can only happen to me! | 4 Comments

When I get so old that I get annoyed at young families for making a little noise in the movies, please shoot me.

Dear Old People Sitting in Front of Us in the Movie Theater,

FUCK YOU!!

I can’t help the fact that my 2 year old has to tell me that she has to go potty.

You have no right to complain.

If you’re going to sit near a family with small children in a movie, you have to expect A LITTLE NOISE!

I hope you enjoyed the rest of the movie my kids didn’t get to see because you couldn’t handle a little “Mommy I need to go pee pee.”

And also, I hope a bird poops on your car and you can’t get it off.

And you have to drive around with bird poop on your car FOREVER!

Unless you try to tell it “ENOUGH” and expect it to listen, like you did to me and my kid.

And then you can go get a manager and try to get them thrown out because the bird’s husband called you a fucking c*nt (for the record, I hate that word and don’t like it being used unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. This lady was a c*nt.) because you have the BALLS to say that my kid shouldn’t be in the air because it pooped on your car. (or something, I’m so mad, I’m not making sense!)

May I state, that aside from two trips to the bathroom, my kids were GOLDEN in that movie theater.

And you know what? I’m GLAD that my daughter told me she had to go potty.

I’m GLAD that she is finally getting the potty training thing that I’ve been trying to get her to figure out SINCE DECEMBER!

And I hope that you sat through the rest of that movie feeling bad that you made us leave. You made us have to take my son out of the movie he’s been wanting to see FOR MONTHS. Why? Because you’re so old you forgot what it’s like to have little kids? Because you have ice in your heart and forced a family with little children to leave a movie because you can’t handle a little noise? You could have found another seat. The handicapped seats were open. You could have hobbled your old ass over there and sat there undisturbed.

And then you have the nerve to call me a “stupid bitch”?? ME?? When I said NOTHING offensive to you!! I did NOTHING but try to make the situation right. I took my daughter out of the theater. I tried to control my husband’s language. I could have sat back and said, “You don’t like it, there are other places to sit.” But no, I tried to appease you and you still call me a stupid bitch??

You know what?? FUCK YOU CUNT! I hope your tits dry up and fall off, and your twat develops a mysterious case of flesh eating disease. And I hope in your afterlife you are sentenced to haunt a movie theater that’s showing a movie you really want to see, but the people behind you won’t stop talking… AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Also, thank you manager man at National Amusements in Farmingdale for not throwing us out.  Thank you for siding with us because that woman is a c*nt and she’s the one who deserved to be thrown out for cursing at me right in front of you.  And thank you manager man and security man for making us feel like we matter and we’re not just some family with obnoxious kids.  BECAUSE WE’RE NOT.  Thank you.

Photo courtesy of National AmusementsWell, sorta.  I took it off their website.  Here’s the link.

Categories: FAIL, I swear they are trying to kill me..., Rants, this shit can only happen to me! | Tags: | 1 Comment

Stand back!! I have a uniboob and I’m not afraid to use it!!

Quitting smoking was the SECOND hardest thing I’ve done in my life.  Losing the weight I put on after I quit is the first.

So, if any of my Facebook friends have been paying attention, I’ve been making it very public that I am fat and need to lose some weight.  I’ve put on some weight between giving birth to two children and that quitting smoking thing.  I’d like to get my dancers body back and give myself a back what little self-confidence I had B. C. (before children).

When word of my cousin getting married in 2011 hit I knew I had to do something…

I got the Wii Fit.

I lost something like 2 pounds.

IN THREE MONTHS.

I tried using the treadmill that’s collecting dust in my basement.

I lost something, but it wasn’t any weight.

I lost my balance and stepped off wrong and practically broke my foot.  Dumbass.

I tried dieting.  My friend told me that switching to one of those sugar substitutes would cut out some stupid amount of sugar from my diet. So I cut out sugar from my coffee (I know, right!) and soda.  I also tried implementing more healthy meals into my family’s repertoire.   My husband wrinkles his nose at whatever new dish I try.  Makes me want to not have sex with him… I tried a food journal.  Writing down everything I ate and not seeing a difference in my weight only made me dread the task.  I tried cutting out sweets in general; no desserts, no candy (except the gum I STILL have to chew to avoid a cigarette craving), no ice cream, nothing.  Mmmm…  ice cream…

I quickly discovered that I have no will power.  None.  Nada. Zip.  Zero. (Ok, wait a minute, I lost my train of thought cause I had to go get me some ice cream.  Can you say FAT BASTARD? Aw, COME ON!  It’s Rocky Road!)  So, yeah, no will power.  It was basically depleted when I well… you know.

Dieting-OUT.

Then a friend told me about Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred workout video.  I was a little reluctant because on her show she’s this mega bitch that nobody likes.  Another friend of mine told me she was annoying, but the workout was good.  And shit, 20 minutes a day is a whole hell of a lot better than an hour on the Wii whilst my children whine in the background.  I can squeeze it in at the end of the day after the rats go to bed or I can do it while the booger naps.

Photo courtesy of jillianmichaels.com

I’m sold.  Walmart $9.  Go there.  Buy it.  Seriously.

I have to FORCE MYSELF to get off my ASS everyday to do it.  My reasoning:  “it’s only 20 minutes.  I can do this.”  I annoy all my Facebook friends by posting it as my status.  (I know I annoy you all, but if I don’t post it, I don’t DO it.  And I NEED to DO it!  Thank you all for letting me annoy you.)  I even went to Walmart and bought sports bras so I can sport the uniboob look and not give myself a black eye while doing my butt kicks and jumping jacks.

I have lost so far 9 pounds.  I am replacing muscle with fat.  I mean fat with muscle.  and obviously brain cells with mush

I kinda fell off the wagon a little when we went away on vacation.  I wasn’t about to be huffing and puffing to Jillian while my mother in law looked on trying to relax and enjoy myself…  And then I got my monthly visitor.  Ugh.  I hardly do anything that week except brush up being a bitch and getting mad at my husband and children.

Then what happened??  I forget…

photo courtesy of jillianmichaels.com

OH!  Yes.  While we were on vacation, I picked up Jillian’s Yoga Meltdown.  I couldn’t wait to get started!  Then I couldn’t wait to stop.  Yoga- not my thing.  I did give it a full week.  I often felt like I was going to fly away or slide of my yoga mat.  Pass on that.

Took another week off (cause I wanted to!) and here I am…  I think I’m five or six days in to a new 30 days.  I lost count.  But I won’t move onto the next level until I’m not sore the day after anymore.  (that may take a while)

I’m tired of feeling fat.   I’m tired of looking fat.

I’m going to lose more weight before my cousin’s wedding next year.  Watch, I won’t even be invited and I’m doing all this work…  Fuck it, at least I’ll look good…

I keep hoping that the weather will warm up so I can start walking in the evenings and maybe get the hubster involved.  Maybe then I’ll start having sex with him again. And he can stop eating ice cream in front of me while I work out. Yep.  Thanks babe!

Does anyone else hear Sloth from Goonies?  Ro-cky Road?  Heh heh.


Categories: I swear they are trying to kill me..., Randomness..., this shit can only happen to me!, Weightloss | 5 Comments

Hotel-ing it.

We're on our way!!

We're coming for you!!

Every year for the past 10 years my husband and I have gone to Florida to visit his parents. (except for the two years they moved back up here, but that’s another blog post.)  More often than not, we jumped in the car and drove the length of the eastern seaboard usually making the drive in anywhere from 17 to 23 hours.  There were a few times we flew, but with the kids and the amount of crap we have to bring for them it’s usually easier and cheaper to drive.

This year, we chose to drive BUT instead of driving all day and night and possibly putting our lives at risk, we decided to drive for 12 to 13 hours and then stop and get a room and re-start the drive the next day.  Good idea/bad idea.

See, my son was whining that he wanted to see the Kid’s Choice Awards that were airing that day.  So we stopped early.  We found a Best Western in Latta, SC. The beds were clean.  That’s about all I can say about that place.  And the man behind the counter was very nice.  He called me “Ma’am”.  I know it’s a sign of respect, but really??  Do I look like a “Ma’am”??  I wanted to jump over the  counter and beat the living crap out of him.

Anyway,we got bad Chinese food delivered to our room.  Don’t ever order Chinese food in South Carolina (Ma’am).  Just don’t, ok?  Shoulda just stuck with Wendy’s across the street.  And the Kid’s Choice Awards??  They were supposed to start at 8 right??  NOPE!!  Not in Latta, SC (Ma’am)!!  I heard from my friend after we got back that they started at 8 back home.  What the FUCK??

Picture this if you will…  The TV’s on and showing Spongebob ’cause hubby and I are clueless about the whole time delay in Latta, SC (Ma’am)…  And we’re waiting…  and I’m getting annoyed cause baby girl won’t go to sleep ’cause Spongebob is on.  It’s 10pm (do you know where your children are?) and I finally lose it.  I made hubby shut off the TV and turn off the lights cause I’ve been up since 4:30 and he got to sleep in the car while I drove but when he drove who wanted their blanket, who wanted a drink, who wanted a hug, “Mom?”  “Momma momma momma!”  AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!  I wanted to jump out of the car and run away!

Finally…  success!!  Baby girl falls asleep.  And shortly after that, Mommy goes too!

Now I forgot to mention that just before we sit down to our bad Chinese food, the tooth that my son had been battling with for weeks finally falls out.  (actually I yanked the little bastard out so I didn’t have to listen to him whine about it all fucking week.)  So when I awaken at 1am to find my son just shutting down his father’s computer (hubby let him watch the KCA’s online) I realize that the Tooth Fairy still has to come.  Damnit!  Now I gotta stay up for that!  3am and that bitch FINALLY shows up!  And she didn’t have a fucking key either!

So with the Tooth Fairy business taken care of, I can finally get some sleep…  Only to spend the rest of the night with a pair of feet in my ribs.  Man, I love that baby girl, but if she didn’t take her feet out of my side I was gonna flip her right the fuck off that bed.  I didn’t though, cause the floor was too dirty.  And she’s my baby…

Now, wasn’t it a good idea to stop and get a room??

Categories: FAIL, I swear they are trying to kill me..., this shit can only happen to me! | Tags: , | 4 Comments

Kid randomness…

“No Kayla you can’t have the nunchuck,” my seven year old scolds his two year old sister.

Me:”Just let her have the nunchuck for Pete’s sake!”
Him: “Ok, Kayla, but if you break it, it’s going to be $30 out of your allowance.”

I wonder when he’s going to get it… HE doesn’t even get an allowance, what makes him think his sister would… And it’s not cause I don’t want to give him an allowance. It’s that HE DOESN’T DO ANYTHING TO EARN AN ALLOWANCE!

Anyway… It makes me chuckle to listen to my son talk to his sister. The age difference is very evident and he talks to her like she’s seven like him. (Of course it doesn’t help that I talk to HIM like he’s 31, like me.) It’s funny to listen to her tell me things about Jupiter (pronounced “JOO-PER -ERR”) and Spongebob (“Bunbob”).

He gives her homework when he comes home from school and she eagerly sits to do it.  They are very attached to each other although I think there’s still some jealousy over my attention.  He’s getting better though and she just doesn’t understand.

You know, as much as I complain that he never shuts up, I think it’s pretty great that my son’s interested in space.  Maybe he’ll be an astronaut when he grows up, or maybe a rocket scientist.  Or maybe an Astro-rocket scientist-naut.  I just hope he doesn’t talk so much.  He reminds me of that kid in the Toys R Us commercial who constantly talks about Dora.

Photo courtesy of Chris LoBello photography.  He’s my cousin.  You should TOTALLY check him out!!

Categories: I swear they are trying to kill me..., my kids are FREAKING HILARIOUS, Randomness..., Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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