Suspicious…

Three boys came to my house yesterday while I was at work and asked for my son. My dad, who answered the door, asked their names and offered to get my son from his bedroom. By the time Big Boy came downstairs to the door, the boys had run off down the street, not bothering to state their business or offer an explanation as to why they were leaving to abruptly. After a few questions, my son and I figured out who the boys were. Turns out they gave fake names to my dad. These boys don’t have the greatest of reputations either, so it makes me wonder, what would they want with my son?

Perhaps they honestly wanted to hang out with him, but why would they give fake names? And why would they run off before he could get to the door?

Sadly, this reminds me of too many stories of special needs kids getting hurt or even killed by people they believed to be their friends.

In August of 2014, a 16 year old with Autism was beaten up by an 18 year old after the 16 year old was invited to a party, given alcohol, and then told to go outside and fight someone. When he refused, the 18 year old was called and told there was a “drunk guy” at the party who refused to leave. The people at the party then videoed the attack and posted it on Facebook. Seriously? What makes that EVER right?

In Cleveland a special needs boy was beaten and robbed after school let out when he couldn’t find his bus pass, so he chose to walk home.

In 2012, a seven year old boy in Atlanta is repeatedly beaten up at school and no one calls his mother to report it. He would come home day after day with bruises and scratches on his face and no one in the school reported anything.

It’s no secret that my boy has issues. His outbursts and anger control issues are enough to single him out as a target. Just the other day he had a problem a boy in an after school club. Apparently, the boy was antagonizing him and when my son exploded, there were scissors in his hand and they went flying, unintentionally, at that boy’s head. That boy then threatened to go to the principal and continued to antagonize my son with “You’re going to be in trouble,” even though, my son apologized repeatedly stating it was an accident. Needless to say, my son went to school the next day scared out of his mind. (Nothing has come of it so far.)

Last year there was an issue with another boy making fun of my boy and posting on The Vine. I have since addressed that and it has been taken down and dealt with accordingly.

Now, maybe I am over-reacting. Maybe these boys want nothing more than to hang out with my kid and play video games with him.

I just can’t help but be suspicious…

This is an original ROSCMM post. All opinions are that of Jennifer herself unless otherwise specified.

Copyright 2014 Mastermind Mommy

Figuring him out

As I type this my son is grumbling to himself and piling paper towel after paper towel over the dog’s spilled water. He’s angry with me because I won’t let him have Cheezits after he just had some brownies. Dinner will be in an hour and if I let him have more of a snack now, he won’t eat his dinner.

Tomorrow we go to the dr.

Finally.

Tomorrow we see the neurologist who will (hopefully) help us to determine why my son can’t sit still for more than a few minutes at a time, and why he gets so angry over little things like math homework and showers and the fact that Hurricane Sandy ruined his Halloween. Why he has to wear the same sweat jacket to school everyday and when he gets himself worked up in school, all he has to do is zip it up and he calms right down. Hopefully this doctor can tell me why as a baby he could spin and spin and spin and not get dizzy and why he’s not still unless he’s plugged in to some sort of device be it his iPod, his computer, or some sort of gaming console. Why he gets so fixated on one thing and can’t seem to let anything go until I absolutely lose my mind and scream at him, and then he gets angry and it starts all over again.

I need to figure him out. It started in Preschool when his teacher suggested I get him tested for ADD/ADHD because he was having trouble sitting still and staying focused. S By the time she brought it to my attention, it was too late for Kindergarten. I took him to a neurologist anyway, neurologist told me she could see him “seeking sensory stimulation” and ordered an EEG. When the EEG came back normal, she didn’t want to see him again.

In Kindergarten, the teacher said nothing to me that would imply that he would need to to be tested. He had behavior issues, but those were worked out with a reward chart.

First grade same thing.

Second grade, all hell breaks loose. He can’t concentrate on a test because the kids on the playground below his classroom window are yelling and some kid is calling his name. They’re not calling him, just some kid with the same name but its bothering him. He is constantly getting in trouble for talking and getting out of his chair. I begin to resent his teacher because I feel like she’s picking on him. Finally in May of that year, he loses his mind and shouts out to his teacher “I can’t wait till second grade is over and neither can my mom!!” Crap. She calls me in to explain myself. I tell her how I feel. She tells me to get him tested, but not to go through the school, get him tested privately. I call my dr, dr says that I have to go through the school. Call the school, psychologist says “it’s May, there’s really nothing I can do for him.” And pushed it back into my lap.

Third grade I was told that he was a genius but didn’t test well enough to get into the gifted and talented program.

Fourth grade, nothing.

Fifth grade, this past October, I get called in to speak to the teacher. “Have you had him tested? I need to know what’s going on with him.” I don’t know what’s going on with him, what do you think I should do? “Let’s talk to the school psychologist and see what she says.” One month later, I get another call to come in. “We have to figure him out.” He left his jacket (this was before we discovered the sweat jacket) in the gym and he needed to go get it, in the middle of a lesson. Without asking, he picked himself up and tried to leave the room. His teacher stopped him, but he nearly lost his mind because he NEEDED to get that jacket. “Did you call the school psychologist?” Yes, but she’s never gotten back to me. The next day, she calls. After the holidays, I get called in AGAIN. He’s had an argument with another student and told him he was going to f-ing kill him. Sigh…

There’s so much more, but I don’t want to turn this into a whine fest.

He has social issues too. He has a hard time making and keeping friends. He’s in a social skills group offered by the town. He sees the social worker at school once a week.

He has anger issues. He needs an outlet. I signed him up for Tae Kwon Do. It seems to be working.

It all seems to be helping. But only a little.

Next year he will go to Middle School and he will be faced with a whole new experience. Will he sink or swim?

So tomorrow we go. Is it ADD? ADHD? Emotional disturbance? Sensory?

I don’t know, and I’ll admit, I’m scared, but his teacher is right, we have to figure him out. And we will. And this goes without saying, I will love him no matter what. I just want him to be happy and comfortable, and safe.

This is an original ROSCMM post and was written for the From Left to Write Book Club. This post was written in response to Raising Cubby: A Father and Son’s Adventures with Asperger’s, Trains, Tractors, and High Explosives by John Elder Robinson an ebook copy of which I received for free for the purposes of this post. And no, you can’t steal my content, it’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright MasterMind Mommy 2013

Stories From The Golden Age

It is with the deepest of apologies that I post this review.

A few months ago I was given a beautiful set of audio books from Galaxy Press from the collection called Stories from a Golden Age. They are a collection of stories written by L. Ron Hubbard which were beautifully transcribed into multicast audiorecordings with the voice and musical talents of many Broadway and Hollywood actors.

From the Golden Age Fictions website:

“When you think of the word Pulp Fiction, you probably think of the blockbuster movie, but actually, Pulp Fiction was the literary phenomenon and leading source of entertainment in the 1930’s and 1940’s that produced thousands of short stories still influencing the writers of today’s most popular books and movies–character’s like Indiana Jones, Jack Sparrow, James Bond–all inspired by the these pulpwood paperbacks.

Now for the first time since their heyday, Galaxy Press has assembled the largest collection of stories from the most prolific writer of the pulp fiction era, L. Ron Hubbard. This collection, “Stories from the Golden Age”, includes over 150 audiobook stories spanning virtually every genre including: scifi, fantasy, western, mystery, adventure and more!

The award-winning, action-packed tales have also been brought to life in cinematically produced audiobook CD collections, performed by an all-star Hollywood cast. So get into the action!

Available in audiobook, paperback and digital download formats.”

I have personally listened to two stories, While Bugles Blow! and Killer’s Law, out of the six I was sent. I thoroughly enjoy Hubbard’s story-telling and his knack for weaving intricate plots that keep the reader (or in this case, listener) engaged throughout.

I especially love how Galaxy has recorded these stories to make them sound like radio programs complete with sound effects and actors playing parts instead of just one narrator narrating the entire story.

I’ve always been a fan of audiobooks.  They’re not just for your grandmother who can’t hold a book anymore.  They’re for busy people who like to multitask.  I enjoy audiobooks while I walk my giant furball, I mean dog, around the neighborhood.  I enjoy them on long car rides too, especially between states when there’s no radio signal and miles and miles of open, boring road.

I highly recommend this collection of audiobooks to anyone looking to expand their reading and listening horizons. And many thanks to Galaxy Press for the opportunity to try their product.

This is an original ROSCMM post and was written for Gallaxy Press who sent me several audiobooks for review.  These CDs, mp3 recordings, and books can be purchased at http://goldenagestories.com/.  All opinions are that of Jennifer herself and no, you can not steal my content, it’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2013, Mastermind Mommy

Non-Fiction Ramblings

I need to read more.

I know, that sounds so dumb coming from me, right??

I mean, I’m always reading, right?

Right, but WHAT am I reading?

I have to say, I’m a little discouraged in my reading history. I took one of those stupid Facebook quizes that listed 46 banned books. Do you know how many I’ve read?

Ready?

4.

That’s it. And they were all for school. I’ve been out of school for 12 years. Most of them were for high school. I’ve been out of high school 16 years.

Really?

Guess I can’t say that I’m “well read”.

The reason for this rambling is because this month the From Left to Write Book Club is reading The Black Count by Tom Reiss. I’ve heard nothing but wonderful things about this book. “It’s so engrossing!” said one book club member. “I love this book!” said another.

Photo courtesy of Amazon.com

Know what I say about it?

Zzzzzzzzzz…

Now I mean the author no offense. Please, Mr Reiss, I honestly can not say if my opinion of the book is good or bad because as soon as I sit down to read it…

Zzzzzzzzzz…

I don’t know what’s wrong with me!! I can’t seem to get more than a few pages into this book without feeling sleepy and oftentimes dozing right off!

Maybe it’s just that there’s a lot going on in my life and I’m just tired. Maybe it’s just that I can’t read a non-fiction book with out falling asleep!

I accepted this book this month because I had never read The Count of Monte Cristo and this book is based on the original Alexandre Dumas, the father of the author of The Count of Monte Cristo and the Three Musketeers

I’d been thinking lately that I needed to read more classics. Like Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice. I LOVED the Thursday Next series that told of a world where people could actually go INTO the books and live there and solve crimes there, so why not read the classics that these books were based on?

There are so many books out there to read, so many adventures to go on.  If I could spend all day, everyday, reading, I would,

but, of course not a whole lot would get done.  🙂

I have every intention of finishing this book. Not sure if it will be sooner or later, but eventually, I will finish it.

And I will post my opinion of it when I finish it.

But for now…

I think I need to go to bed earlier.

What’s your favorite piece of classical literature? I’m up for suggestions!!

This is an original ROSCMM post and was written for the From Left to Write Book Club This post was inspired by The Black Count; Glory, Revolution, Betrayal and the Real Count of Monte Cristo,by Tom Reiss, a copy of which I received for free from the publisher for the purposes of this book club and no, you can not steal my content unless you specifically ask me for it first. It’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2012 Mastermind Mommy

The one where I talk about my dog’s balls…

I know… I haven’t been around much lately… I really don’t have any excuse…  blame Facebook… And my kids… and my inability to put down a book… GAH!

Anyway, this week’s Mama Kat’s writing prompts had me in a tizzy.

“This Week’s Prompts
1.) A promise.
2.) I thought my child was going to _______, but instead he/she _______.

3.) Tell us something you learned about a grandparent that surprised you.

4.) List 7 things your pet thought about today.

5.) Spring fashion is in the air! Put together and share an Spring outfit you’d like someone with money to buy you.”

I just couldn’t help myself…

Most of you who know me personally, have met Chewey (of course not his real name although sometimes I wish I’d named him that) my year and a half old Siberian Husky.

My former Fluffernutter... now he's all fluff and no nuts. :O

Chewey (or “Dumbass” as I affectionately call him) has been the center of my world lately as last week we had him neutered in an attempt to get him to stop peeing on the furniture.

So without further ado, here’s my post taken from Mama Kat’s Writing Prompt…

4.) List 7 things your pet thought about today.

7. I’m up! Who’s up? I’m up! Who’s up? You’re up? Oh boy! oh Boy! Hey wait…  where’re my balls??

6. Are you going to feed me??  Huh??  You got some food for me??  C’mon, I know you got some food for me!  Where’s my food??  Have you seen my balls?

5. Are we going to walk?  I wanna walk!  Are we gonna walk?? Oh boy!  We’re gonna walk! Maybe I’ll find my balls…

4. Bitch!  Take this thing off me!! (He’s referring to his head collar.  He does not like it.,) I wonder what will happen if I jump on that guy??  Maybe he has my balls…

3. Another dog??  Oh boy another dog!!  C’mon Mom, let’s go see the other dog so I can pee on him and sniff his butt!  Maybe he knows where my balls are…

2. Play??  Play, play play??  Where’re my balls??

1. Wait a minute…  WHERE ARE  MY BALLS??

Ok, so maybe that wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be…  Pish!  Whatever…  Where’s my book?

And to the man whose balls my dog clipped… I am eternally sorry!  Bad dog!!

This is an original ROSCMM post.  All opinions expressed are that of Jennifer herself.  This post was written for Mama Kat’s Weekly Writing workshop and has a compensation level of 0. (See my disclosure page for full details.)  And no, you can not steal my stuff.  It’s called Copyright, yo!

Copyright 2012 Mastermind Mommy

OH FOR PETE’S SAKE!! IT’S A HEAD COLLAR… NOT A MUZZLE!! A Public Service Announcement

Meet Chewie…

Chewie...

Chewie is our (almost) 11 month old Siberian Husky puppy.

Meet Chewie’s head collar…

Meet Chewie when he’s wearing his head collar…

This is what Chewie looks like twice daily when I walk him.  Now, I don’t meet a lot of people when I walk Chewie, but those that I do meet (usually dog owners themselves) take one look at Chewie in his head collar, and ask me if he bites, or if he snapped, or if he’s viscious.  Seriously people??  Can you not tell that its just a strap around his snout?  Can you not see that his mouth is open and his big giant floppy tongue is sticking out??  If he were wearing a muzzle, he wouldn’t be able to open his mouth.  He wouldn’t be able to drink, or eat, or bite your ass if he wanted to.

A Siberian Husky’s instinct is to PULL.  It’s what is bred into them.  I have every intention of hooking my kids’ sleigh up to him in the winter time and charging for dog sled rides.  (no joke, man)

If I DON’T use the head collar, my Siberian Husky (who’s instinct is to PULL) will PULL me all over the neighborhood.  Now I’m no lightweight (as if you didn’t know that already) but if he sees something he wants to get at (cat, bird, another dog, shiny object) and he’s not wearing his head collar, he will YANK my arm off trying to get to it.

With the head collar, a slight correction to him (I’m also studying the methods of Cesar Millan, aka, the Dog Whisperer) and he will sit and wait to be ALLOWED to yank my arm off.

The idea behind a head collar is very much like a halter for horses.  Where the nose goes, the rest of the body will follow.  You wouldn’t put a regular collar and leash on a horse and expect to be able to ride it or lead it anywhere, would you?  It’s the same concept for Chewie.  If he’s wearing the head collar I can lead him (like every pack leader should, thank you Cesar) where I want him to go.  Ultimately , I want to do away with it and just use a regular collar and leash, but until he realizes that I am the pack leader,  this is the way I need to do it.

So if you see me walking down the street with Chewie and his head collar, take a minute and consider what you see…  Is is mouth open? Can you see his teeth?  Then no, he doesn’t bite.  But I might!  So, think before you open your mouth!!

This is an original ROSCMM post. All opinions in this post come from Jennifer herself unless otherwise noted.   This post has no compensation level as I did not receive anything for writing this post,(visit my Full Disclosure page for more details) and no, you can not steal my content unless you specifically ask me for it first. It’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2011 Mastermind Mommy

A Memorable Neighbor… or Keep Your Crazy Away From My Kid!

So… this week’s Mama Kat’s writing prompts made me laugh… There’s so much shit I can put out there, but this one especially made me chuckle.

A Memorable Neighbor.

For those of you who have been following for a while, you know I have been having troubles with the woman across the street. She is the mother of my son’s “best friend” and we have issues…

Well, last week those issues escalated and we are now not speaking to each other and our boys’ relationship is at stake.
Lemme ‘splain…

Picture it if you will…

It’s a chilly Monday morning and I’m standing at the bus stop with The Boy.  We are the only ones there and it’s starting to rain.  Boy gets on the bus, I make my way home.  That afternoon, it’s raining still and again, I am the only one on the bus stop.  The bus pulls up and opens its doors.  That’s when I notice “Mary” step into my line of view to retrieve her son.  I then turn my head and look down the row of windows and notice one of the girls that The Boy sits with is in the window crying.  I ask little Tracey why she is crying, but obviously she can’t answer me through the window.  The Boy gets off the bus and we have this exchange:

Me: Hi.  Why is Tracey crying?

Boy: Because Vinnie (her cousin) is going to be reported.

Me: Why is Vinnie going to be reported and who is going to report him?

Boy: Because he called Johan an idiot.  Big Jonathan (the fifth grade bully and self-appointed bus safety) is going to report him.

Now…  imagine the look on your face when you hear that.  Yeah, that’s the one. With the eyebrow going up…  Uh huh…  Cause, why would Vinnie get reported just cause he called Johan an idiot??  There are worse things that can happen on the bus to get reported for, right?  EXACTLY!  Now imagine if you will that you are walking along a busy road while listening to this story so you have to watch where you are going, right?  And imagine that “Mary” is walking along in front of you so while you are looking where you are going you are forced to look kinda at her cause she’s in front of you.  And at that moment that you are walking along, listening to this story about Vinnie getting reported for calling Johan an idiot, and making that face and kinda looking at Mary who is walking in front of you so you don’t walk into her, Mary turns to look at you.  Now you don’t really see her cause you are listening to the story and trying to not get run over or walk into her and when she smiles at you, your expression doesn’t really change until at the last moment you try to smile at her but it’s too late!!  She has taken that look on your face as meant for her!

The next morning, she is not at the bus stop.  That afternoon, she is there, but won’t look at me.  I say hello and she doesn’t respond.  I’ve brought Little Miss with me so I grab up my baby and walk right up to her.

Me: Okay, so what did I do now?

Her: You made an ugly face at me, I don’t like it. (or something like that, I couldn’t get the whole thing in her broken english/spanish rant)

Me: What are you talking about?  When did I do that?

Her: Yesterday. I don’t like it.  Okay?

Me: What?  I didn’t even see you yesterday.

Her: Blah, blah blah (I honestly can’t remember what she said here, probably nothing that made any sense , but I’m sure it ended with ) Okay?

Me: I don’t understand!  I didn’t even SEE you yesterday.

She then proceeds to tell me that I gave her a dirty look yesterday and that I don’t really like her, that she can FEEEEEEEEL it,  and that she likes honest people.

Me: What? So you don’t think I’m honest?

Her: I think you are temperamental and two-faced. Okay?

TEMPERAMENTAL AND TWO-FACED??  WHAT. THE. FUCK??  I’m not the one who automatically assumes that because I was looking in her general direction with a certain look on my face that that expression was meant for her and that I don’t like her. (in all honesty, I don’t like her, but I didn’t DIS-like her (too much) until the bitch called me dishonest, two-faced and temperamental! I DID tolerate her so that our boys could be friends.)

If you ask me, I think that either menopause or the isolation she experiences during the day (she doesn’t drive, doesn’t speak English, and thus hardly EVER leaves the house) is making her crazy and she’s taking it out on me!!  How come it always has to be about her??  How come she couldn’t turn around to me and be like “Why are you making that face?” ?  No!  She had to immediately jump to the conclusion that I really don’t like her and get my jollies by making faces at her.

This past Monday, my husband was home sick and I was late getting to the bus stop, so The Boy walked home with Mary and her son.  I dutifully stopped my car next to them, rolled down my window and said “Thank you” to her for grabbing him.  Whether she did or not, I couldn’t say, but it was the right thing to do.  You think that yesterday morning she could have offered me a “hello”?  Nope.  Bitch shot me a dirty look cause her son left her and came over to me and my son.

When I talk to my husband or my closest friends and family about this, they roll their eyes at me (as I’m sure you’re doing too, in between big fat belly laughs) and tell me to let it go.  That she’s not worth all the trouble.  But the issue I have is that I. DID. NOTHING. WRONG!!  I honestly didn’t see her looking at me.  I’m sorry if I couldn’t change my facial expression to suit her fast enough!  Now what do I do when my son wants to have a playdate with his friend?  I don’t think she’ll fly with it and I certainly don’t want her brand of crazy around my boy!  He gets enough crazy from me, he doesn’t need any more from any body else!!

So, we haven’t spoken since last week and yesterday morning I walked home with her in front of me and I made faces at her all the way home, giggling the entire time.   And in the afternoon, I had a perfectly wonderful conversation…  with her husband.  🙂  Take that bitch!

Next year, my son is NOT riding the bus, just so I don’t have to deal with her shit!

This is an original ROSCMM post. All opinions in this post come from Jennifer herself unless otherwise noted. All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the moronic.  This post has no compensation level as I did not receive anything for writing this post,(visit my Full Disclosure page for more details) and no, you can not steal my content unless you specifically ask me for it first. It’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2011 MastermindMommy

People I’d like to punch…

Photo Courtesy of Amazon.com

This month the From Left to Write Book Club is reading Exploiting My Baby by Teresa Strasser. It’s a memoir of pregnancy and childbirth, and while I admit that I haven’t finished the book yet, there is one aspect of the book that really speaks to me, as it may well speak to you…

Have you ever wanted to punch somebody? C’mon! Admit it. Have you ever wanted to just walk up to somebody and just knock them right out? Of course you have! Don’t hide it! We’ve all met people that we just want to grab by their necks and just throttle until they’re blue in the face.  Maybe it’s your kids teacher, or that mom on the playground who brags about her kid all the time.  Maybe it’s the author of a book, or a celebrity on TV, or a political figure.

There’s plenty of people in my life that I’d like to beat the crap out of.  Get me on a particularly bad day and I’ll want to smack you just because you looked at me funny.  Of course I’ll never act on it, but it sure does feel good when I sit here and tell you all about it… I talk a big game, yo. But me and confrontation are just not friends…

Here we go:

10. The cab driver. Living on Long Island, in order to get anywhere, you need one of two things, a car or access to public transportation. It’s not like living in the city where everything is within walking distance. At some point if you live here, you will need to either drive yourself, or take a cab, a train, or a bus somewhere. Cab drivers (not all of them, but most of the one’s I’ve come in contact with) are assholes. Now please don’t leave me hurtful comments about how your dad is a cabbie or your uncle, your husband drives back and forth to Manhattan everyday so he can support you and your children. Those aren’t the cabbies I’m talking about. I’m talking about the ones who think they can drop off a fare in front of a store and then, no matter who is anywhere else, throw the car in reverse, pull a u-turn and exit the parking lot, forcing everyone else who was trying to get out of their parking space to wait for him to finish. Case in point. I was in my car in a parking space outside of my local Rite Aid. When I was ready to leave my space, I checked behind me and noticed off to my left was a cab dropping off his fare. There was plenty of space in front of him where he could pull out and turn around so I decided to not wait for him to move. I’m half way out of my parking space when I see reverse lights coming at me. The cab driver was backing up towards me! If I hadn’t pulled my car back into my space, he probably would have hit me cause he just wasn’t looking.

9. The guy three cars ahead of me on the Bethpage parkway who INSISTED on travelling at 40 miles per hour when the speed limit is 55 and there was NO ONE in front of him…  I don’t think I have to elaborate on this one, but c’mon.  If you’re travelling on a two lane highway and there is no one in front of you, PLEASE, try to go the speed limit.  I happen to like to drive.  I have to drive for my kids, I have to drive for my business, I was one of those kids on the line to take the permit test the MINUTE I turned 16.   HEY MISTER!!  THE GAS PEDAL IS ON THE RIGHT!!

Photo Courtesy of giadadelaurentiis.com

8. Giada de Laurentiis.  I’m not one to name-drop, but this one I just HAVE to do…  I am an AVID Food Network watcher.  Some of you may know that I sell Tastefully Simple, so I like to watch FN  and pick up little tricks and tips to incorporate into my TS presentations.  I can’t watch Giada.  I  just can’t.  She’s so pretty and perfect, I just want to jump through the TV and smack her.  Seriously!  She’s beautiful, skinny, she speaks Italian, she’s got big boobs, and she’s freakin RICH!!  She’s everything I wish I could be.  If she wrote horror novels I’d seriously consider hiring a hitman…

7. Jillian Michaels.  Ok, so I’m doing it again…  I found Jillian’s workout videos thanks to a friend of mine to help me get more active and lose some weight.  In case you don’t know, losing weight is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do.  I LOVE Jillian’s workouts…  I just hate her voice.  “The neck is not invited to this party!”   “Don’t phone it in on this one, guys.”  And I hate it when people on workout videos look into the camera and say “Good job!” “You’re doing great!” “Excellent work!”  SHUT THE FUCK UP!!  You can’t see me!  I could be doing it all wrong and you would still be there telling me what a great fucking job I’m doing!  The only problem with wanting to punch Jillian Michaels is that if I ever tried, she’s probably hit me right back, harder.  And I’d cry cause, uh,  I’m a wuss…

Photo Courtesy of Fox 411

6.People that go on TV and make people from Long Island look stupid.  Seriously, I’m watching an episode of “It’s me or the dog” right now and there’s this chick in her little daisy dukes with her six pack abs all showing and I swear all her brain matter went to her BOOBS!  Not a brain cell to be found!  Ok, and if I may…  two words…  Jersey Shore.  What a bunch of idiots!  Not for nothing, but when I was single and childless I wasn’t going out getting drunk and trading STDs.  I just can’t stand it that these people go on national television and not only make themselves look stupid, but create the stereotype that everyone like them is dumb too.

Photo Courtesy of ize-stuff.com

5. People who are like Beetlejuice…  You say their name three times and they just pop up!  And at the most inconvenient time too!  Like when you’re at Walmart in sweats and a ratty t-shirt because all you were going there for were juice bags and then you see your old flame from high school and he’s with his wife and two kids and you don’t want to go over and say hello because you look like you just rolled out of bed and OH MY GOD I can’t let him see me looking like this.  Maybe I can just sneak by without him noticing me, but how come when I’m out and I look good, there’s no one to see, but when I look like a total SCRUB, I run into an ex or an old crush or someone of that significance??  DAMN YOU KARMA!!

4. People who think that traffic laws don’t apply to them.  STOP SIGNS WITH WHITE BORDERS ARE NOT ACTUALLY OPTIONAL!!  And if you want to get in my lane, HOW ABOUT USING A TURN SIGNAL??  And here’s the clincher…  If I’m going 80 in a 55 and you’re on my ass, GO AROUND ME!!  I’d rather the cop pull YOU over, not me!

3. My husband when he says things like, “You’re too old to be going to a bar to see a band play!” and “Why would you even think of going away on a cruise without me?” and “Since you don’t pay taxes on your Tastefully Simple earnings, does that mean I have to pay taxes on that money too?? Cause that would make it even LESS worth it.”  And he wonders why I’m always so cranky.

2. The girl that my husband called “cutie” while we were away on vacation…  Just because she was there.

1. My husband for calling that girl “cutie”.  Sitting down?  Ok, so we’re on vacation in Florida during the Christmas holiday, and we’re in the car after finishing our shopping, heading home to the kids who were staying with my in-laws.  We were waiting to pull out of the parking lot when a young woman slowed down to let us out.  “Thanks cutie.” I heard my husband say.  My heart thumped.  My stomach turned.  Cutie?  CUTIE??  SERIOUSLY??  He then proceeds to look at me, observe the look on my face (the eyebrow is UP) and then have this exchange with me; (color coded for your convenience)

Him: “What?”

Me: “Cutie?”

Him: “What?  I say it all the time.”

Me: “You do?”

Him: “At work, I say it all the time.”

Me: “You never call me ‘cutie’.”

Him: “I call you ‘sweetheart’, no… ‘babe.  No…’baby’.”

(MF can’t even remember his pet name for  me)

Me: “…”

Him: “C’mon, don’t be mad.  I say it all the time at work.  Even to the ugly girls.”

Me: “…”

Somebody tell me why he’s still breathing??

So there you have it…  the ten people I want to punch…  this week.  (well nine since hubs is on there twice.)  Next week it might be TOTALLY different!

This is an original ROSCMM post and was written for the From Left to Write Book Club. This post was inspired by Exploiting My Baby * Because It’s Exploiting Me by Teresa Strasser a copy of which I received free from the publisher for the purposes of this book club, and no, you can not steal my content unless you specifically ask me for it first. It’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2011 MastermindMommy

Fifteen minutes in the life of a scatterbrained, sleep deprived, possibly ADD Mom…

Take the Cake

I really need to sit down and write that post for the From Left to Write Book club. I’m already late with the post cause I lost the book for a while and I still haven’t finished it…  But she had some great ideas when you have an extra fifteen minutes on hand and what you can do with them.  Ok, so here goes…

“What’s that baby?? You want some juice? Sure thing, here you go.”

“What’s the dog doing? Oh Bailey! Stop chewing on the furniture!!”

Ok, so blog post. Let me just check my email quick… Oh! Emily sent me and email, I’d better respond. Wait, I’m supposed to be writing a blog post.  I’ll get to her a little later.

Oh! I got my Mama Kat’s writing prompts. I should really do one this week. I did one last week, I should really keep it up… That’s a good one… Maybe I’ll write about that one…

“Bailey!! Get away from her!! Go outside!!”

Ok, blog post… Where’s the book?  Take the Cake by M.F. Chapman. Says here she wrote for the SV Moms Group. That’s cool. That’s probably how Marinka found her. Still kinda sad that NYC Mom’s Blog is gone. But Technorati is cool too.  Oh, that reminds me, I need to get onto TypePad and take down that stupid post I wrote about my son’s homework.  It was kind of assinine for me to react that way to a simple question…

DING!  Facebook notification…  what’s happening there?  Nikki visited my frontier, and Tina sent me a gift.  Have to harvest my crops and see if Tina’s gift helped me to finish that mission.  Ok, done, on to Cityville.  Look at all the people who visited my city.  Cool…

Maybe I can squeeze in a little Zuma Blitz??  Blog post?  Zuma Blitz?  Zuma’s only one minute.  I can stop after one go round…  Ok, maybe two…  Three…  Just one more…

“Is it lunch time Little Miss?  What do you want for lunch?  A sandwich?  And some juice?  You got it sister!”

Alrighty, Little Miss is eating, dog is sleeping, phone is over… there!  Now to write that post…

Let me just grab that load of laundry before it wrinkles…

This is an original ROSCMM post and was written for the From Left to Write Book Club. This post was inspired by Take the Cake: A Working Mom’s Guide to Grabbing a Slice of the Life You Love by MF Chapman a copy of which I received free from the publisher for the purposes of this book club, and no, you can not steal my content unless you specifically ask me for it first. It’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2011 MastermindMommy

I’d rather not do that again, thank you…

This post is inspired by Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop.

4.) What happened in 2010 that you’d rather not repeat?

Holy Shit, there are so many things that happened last year that I would totally NOT do again…  let me count the ways…

7. Going to visit my in-laws in Florida with my husband, two kids and a dog.

I hate that drive, I HATE that drive, I hate THAT drive, I hate that DRIVE, I HATE THAT DRVE…  Did I mention, I don’t care for that drive.  And making it with a potty training three year old, a overactive and whiny eight year old, a puppy and a sick husband.  NO FUCKING WAY!  Ahem…  moving on…

6. Taking my kids to the beach and nearly having my bathing suit ripped off by the waves.

That is not a pretty site.  Trust me.  I had sand in places I never knew sand could get!  I’ll take the pool over the beach ANYDAY!!

5. Going to the movies and getting into a fight with the old farts in front of us.

See this post.  I’m not going into detail here.  That shit still makes my hackles stand up!

4. Finding out that I was “Unfriended” by my best friend in high school…

Another one that still upsets me.  But not as much as those crotchety old people.  🙂

3. Potty training

I started potty training Little Miss in January of 2010.  A full year later, we’re not done, but we’ve come a long way…

2. Get a puppy

Of course, now that I don’t have to clean up baby piss as much as I used to, now I have to clean up puppy piss.  WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO GET THIS FUCKING DOG??  I’m almost done with my last kid, now I gotta start all over with a dog??

And the #1 incident that happened in 2010 that I’d rather not repeat is…

TA DA!!

Taking my three year old to the emergency room to get five stitches in her head!!

Yes, you read that right…  Little Miss was where she wasn’t supposed to be, teetering at the top of the two stairs that lead to our den, and she fell and hit the book case at the bottom!!  I have never seen so much blood!!  I got the bleeding to stop and then realized that she’s probably going to need stitches.  I called my husband, he didn’t answer.  Fucker.  I called my best friend, the nurse, she was sleeping from working the night before.  I called the doctor’s office, they said to go to the ER.  I called my dad.  He met me there.  Thanks Dad.  ❤

Got to the ER, and Little Miss was running around like she owned the fucking place.  If it wasn’t for the gaping hole in her head and the blood all over her and me, you’d never even know she was hurt!  Three trips to the bathroom.  Hogging the toys in the waiting room.  Perfectly fine…  I, on the other hand, aged about ten years, and needed a good shot of something, whether it was Jack or fucking Zanax, I’m not sure…

I watched as they put my baby in a papoose to hold her down and she was so good.  The doctor numbed the area and proceeded to put in FIVE stitches.  (maybe she coulda used six, but I’m no expert…)

And there you have it…  the top seven things that happened in 2010 that I’d rather not repeat.

Feel free to send samples of Zanax and or Jack.  🙂

 

This is an original ROSCMM post. All opinions in this post come from Jennifer herself unless otherwise noted. All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the moronic.  This post has no compensation level as I did not receive anything for writing this post,(visit my Full Disclosure page for more details) and no, you can not steal my content unless you specifically ask me for it first. It’s called copyright, yo.

Copyright 2011 MastermindMommy